Mafia Wars VIP FAQ’s – W/ Some Satire

Apparently what Zynga posted above confuses some people so Zynga released a FAQ regarding the ‘NEW’ VIP Membership. Anyway, here is a reprint of Zynga’s VIP Membership FAQ’s (which include my satirical translation of what is being said). Have a look see;

VIP Membership Program Benefits - FAQ

Updated 06/09/2012 at 11:13

The VIP membership program is now available to all players. We are also providing additional benefit for subscribers who stay subscribed for a longer time.

Translation; And we will soon chase away those pesky FREE players so we can concentrate solely on new schemes to take even more of your money.

FAQs

Q. In how many months do I progress to silver VIP benefits?

A. It will take 3 complete months of continuous subscription for a subscriber to get silver benefits. Silver benefits are available as soon as the player has renewed (paid the subscription fee) for the 4th month.

Translation; You CAN’T be competitive unless you PAY PAY PAY. IF YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE AND W'E’LL SOON CHASE YOU AWAY TOO!

Q. I got a pop-up that I can get to silver VIP benefits in 2 months instead of 3 months. When do I progress to silver benefits?

A. If the VIP membership of a subscriber has expired, he gets a pop-up to renew now and get silver benefits from the 3rd month following re-subscription. His earlier membership duration will not count towards the progression to Silver. The player would have to spend two complete months again as a VIP member to get silver benefits from the 3rd month.

This offer is valid only till 30th June. If the player with an expired membership re-subscribes after 30th June, he will not get one month progression into the benefits plan as a reward. One month of progression to silver benefits is also awarded to players who were rolled out the VIP membership late and who have subscribed or subscribe now. We are offering a month’s progression in the VIP benefits plan as a reward to these players. They would enjoy silver benefits after they complete 2 months of continuous subscription and renew for the 3rd month.

Translation; This is our meager attempt at an apology for those who wanted to be a VIP Member but you weren’t important enough to us at that time for us to make the VIP Memberships available to you until now. You only have access now because too many paying players quit as a result.

Q. I do not see any in-game messaging on how much time remains before I progress to the next level of VIP benefits?

A. Once you have progressed to Silver rewards, you will see a pop-up confirming the same. We are implementing changes and soon you will be able to check the remaining duration before the next level of VIP benefits kicks in for you.

Translation; Since our focus is solely on how to make more money we don’t realize that WE ARE DUMBASSES that DON’T HAVE THE FORSIGHT to think ahead about potential bugs, problems, and issues before we release anything. But, that’s ok because we’ll fix it later AFTER we’ve collected your Dinar, Pesos, Rupees, Lira, Yen, Francs, Pounds, Euros, Dollars, etc.

Q. If I cancel my membership before expiry and move to cancel pending state, do I lose my progression in the benefits plan?

A. If players in cancel pending state renew their membership, they do not get 1 month progression into the benefits program but they retain their existing progression (duration of the membership) as a VIP subscriber. So if a player who has moved to cancel pending state during his 2nd month of subscription and renews before the end of 2nd month, he will progress to silver membership after one more month of subscription (after completing 3 months and making a payment for the 4th month). But if the same player does not renew his membership by the end of the 2nd month and moves to cancelled/expired state, he will get a pop-up to renew now and progress to silver benefits on completing 2 months of VIP subscription. His previous membership duration would not count towards the progression. This offer of getting one month progression into the benefits plan ends on 30th June.

Translation; We don’t want to piss you off too much, WE WANT YOUR MONEY! Therefore, we recommend never to try to cancel your membership because, you know us, there will likely be issues.

Q. My credit card expired and I could not renew my membership. Do I lose all my retention benefits and start from the 1st month of Bronze membership?

A. We would strongly recommend you to update your credit card details, in the payment information we have saved for you, as soon as your card details have changed. As of now, if your membership expires, you need to re-subscribe again and you will start with Bronze benefits without any progression. But, if you feel you have a genuine case of payment failure and could not re-subscribe on time, please reach out to our CS team. We would grant you the membership progression you had attained before the payment failure led to the cancellation of your membership. Going forward, we would be providing a 4 day grace period to subscribers to re-subscribe and retain their progression in the benefit plan.

Translation; Ditto! See previous answer!

Q. When do the stats of the Harbinger of Destruction and Harbinger of Havoc start increasing?

A. The Attack and Defense stats for these super-powerful items increase every week starting 06/03/2012. The stats would be updated by the end of June 2012 and going forward, the updated stats would be visible every week.

Translation; Why are you asking about such a stupid subject matter. Don’t you realize that the stats of a loot item are meaningless unless you are the only one to have it? In other words; Who Cares? It was only a ploy to get you to buy into this VIP Membership program in the first place. When ONLY VIP Members are the only ones left playing this game this is totally MOOT!

Q. When I progress to Gold benefits - do I get additional +500 Attack, + 500 Defense added to my Mafia Strength?

A. When you progress to Silver VIP benefits - you will get +500 Attack, +500 Defense added to your Mafia strength. Since the Gold VIP benefits consist of all Silver benefits, you will retain +500 Attack, +500 Defense added to your Mafia strength on reaching silver and an additional +500 Attack,+500 Defense would be added to your Mafia strength. When you progress to Titanium VIP benefits, you would have a cumulative benefit of +3000 Attack, +3000 Defense added to your Mafia strength.

Translation; Yes DUMBASS! That’s what it says! Please learn to read. To save other stupid questions we did the math for you so you don’t need to ask how much your Mafia Strength will benefit in total from being a VIP Member. Now be quiet so the FREE players don’t hear you!

Q. When I cancel my VIP membership, will I lose all the VIP benefits?

A. You will retain the Reward points you already received and all the VIP items you got while you were subscribed to the VIP membership. All other benefits like additional Mafia strength, ability to reallocate 100 additional Skill points a day, ability to claim one additional exclusive Limited Edition item every week etc. would not be available once you have cancelled your membership.

Translation; Yes, Moron! From that point forward you will no longer receive the VIP benefits that PAYING Members get. We will begin treating you like the Lowlife Scum that you are if you don’t pay. However, we can not take certain things away from you for risk of being sued. Not that you would beat our team of 50 highly paid lawyers. But we also have an image to upkeep.

The Mafia Wars Team

Free Loot From Mafia Wars - Admiral

Don’t GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP because Zynga is once again giving away free loot. This time it is an Admiral.

Like all the other free loot that Zynga gives away you need to locate your ‘Apps and Games’ on facebook in the left column of your facebook wall.

Then locate your Mafia Wars requests and the request from Mafia Wars.

You should then be taken into Mafia Wars and see the pop-up where you can claim the loot (Admiral).

Not that it helps much, but it should help some for most players.

 

In the event that you do not have your Admiral yet you should continue reading. Here is a reprint from Zynga support;

How to locate your Admiral

Updated 06/09/2012 at 20:09

To welcome you back, we are giving you the Admiral. Your wish is by command.
Now that you are back, it's time to unfurl the sails in London.

Please note: If you haven't received a Game Request for the Admiral, please Click here to fill our survey and provide your UID to let our team know. We have automated the item claim process to make it easy for you. We will verify your claim and grant the item by Tuesday, 12th of June.
If you have not already added this item to your inventory, you can locate and add it by following the instructions provided below.
1.  Click here
2.  Scroll down and locate the announcement from Mafia Wars about the Admiral and click 'Accept'.

3.  After you have clicked the accept button you will be taken back to the game and will receive the following pop-up:

4.  To verify that the item has been added to your inventory, please click the Inventory tab:

5.  Next you will need to click the Filter button:

6.  Type 'Sixer' into the search field and click 'Go':

7.  The following window will show that 1 Admiral has been added to your inventory.